Try outs.

• KARMELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
• I finally got to see Knockdown Neptune play live.
• I was on a burger eating frenzy! (Jollibee’s Champ + McDonald’s Quarter Pounder + Burger King’s Whopper = A very happy camper)
• My brother finally got himself guitar!
• … and I bought his capo as a gift.
• He and I were able to bond over our musical instruments.

Yeah, that’s about it. Some parts of tonight I just want to forget ever happened, like the conversation in BK where I wished I were able to evaporate into thin air. UGH.

I’m the type of person who does not want to do things half-assed, at least when I’m really serious. I’m also the type of person who gets deeply offended whenever I go all out and find out that it was all for naught.

I am so genuinely pissed off right now that I don’t believe that I could continue creating a coherent post, so I’d end this as soon as possible.

If you’re the type of person who would take pleasure in having others wag their tail for your amusement, and just because you can, fuck you. I despise everyone who is like you.

you’ve put your keen and penetrating mind to the task and as usual come to the wrong conclusion.

so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that my supply of merriment & positivity have run dry. Barely even 2 days after arriving here my youngest brother is leaving for Pampanga. Apparently he made a promise to his church that he’d dance hiphop music for some godforsaken concert. 

WTF is this shit I can’t even.

You know what, screw you.

Mahilig akong maghintay. Minsan tuloy, sa kakahintay ko ng tamang panahon, may ibang nakakagawa ng dapat gagawin ko.

Pero kasi hindi naman din pwede na pa-bara-bara ako sa ginagawa ko. Syempre may tamang oras at lugar para sa lahat. Hindi ko rin naman masisisi ang ibang tao kung hindi naman talagang itinadhana para sa akin.

Natutuwa ako na may nagbigay sa iyo nun. SOBRA. Kasi matagal mo nang gusto ‘yun. Pero kasi gusto ko na manggaling sa akin. Yung magiging proud ka na meron ka na nun, tas sasabihin mo galing sa akin. Yung ngiti na nakita ko kanina, yun sana yung gusto kong makita kapag binigay ko na sayo yung regalo ko.

Pero hindi eh. At sa lahat pa ng tao, kay Marcus pa nanggaling. Tangina lang kasi. Siya na nga yung isa sa mga tinatakbuhan mo pag malungkot ka, dahil kahit kupal siya napapatawa ka naman niya. Sa Calculus, kahit anong husay ang ipakita ko, siya pa rin yung tatanungan mo. Okay lang, may dahilan ka naman. Tae kasi, pati ba naman dun sa regalong gusto mo, talo ako?

Hindi ko naman ‘to dapat iniisip, pero hindi ko mapigilan. Antagal ko nang pinagplanuhan kasi, tapos mauuwi lang pala sa wala. Nakakasama lang ng loob. Pero hindi mo kasalanan, hindi mo naman ginusto.

I just wish it would have come from me.

That weird feeling of being depressed over something that you shouldn’t be down about in the first place.

I never really wanted it. I guess the promise of attention and delusions of grandeur got the best of me. Events are always mutually exclusive and collectively exhaustive. You’re never really sure what the outcome will be because it is, for the most part, a fair experiment.

I hate that my spirits are now plummeting down. I felt so good about myself after such a long time. Now it’s just back to me who never really lived, but just existed.

That’s not to say I would give up entirely. My bruised ego was somehow nursed by the kind words of the people that I have interacted with. They tell me that I can go places, if only I tried.

I think that was the whole point to it. For the first time in a long time I’ve tried again. That’s what got me down anyway, to try and have failed. I just hope that by trying again I could increase the probability that I will be successful in my endeavors.